As I’ve been building new habits over the years, I’ve noticed most people, myself included, forget about one important part of the process: celebrating the small wins. It becomes so easy to focus on the goal exclusively that the thousands of small victories required to get there are completely overlooked or pale in comparison to the big successes. That sucks the joy out of life faster than hearing the words, “You’ve been summoned for jury duty.” And those words kill joy pretty quickly. In my opinion, we all need to give ourselves infinitely more credit in the process. These early experiences and lessons come long before the finish line and are typically the most challenging part. Creating new pathways in the brain is difficult, and it takes time. Reaching the finish line feels great, but what about the days you feel proud because you chose to show up when you didn’t want to and maintained that momentum? Those days are the building blocks of the entire goal. That’s where the magic, the learning, and the transformation happen. Credit shouldn’t just be reserved for the sparkle. It’s not all about the medal, the award, the speech, the champagne, or the confetti….
Dear future me, I’m so proud of you. You’ve overcome battles I know not of. I can’t imagine all you’ve been through this year. The tears you’ve cried, the tears you’ve calmed, the showers you’ve found a new appreciation for, the quiet moments you celebrate, and the small wins that feel lifesaving. I’m proud of you. I can only dream of her right now, but she picked us to be her Mom for a reason. She’s strong, sweet, silly, and wiggly because of us. She’s probably stubborn because of you, us. She’s growing faster than either of us wants her to. The pregnancy I’m living in today probably seems like another lifetime to you. Still, I’m proud of us. Through all the changes, the physical pains, the personal growth, and the learning curve of becoming parents, I hope you’ve gained a new appreciation for your husband and fallen more in love with him as a Dad. I hope your new title feels a little less foreign and a lot more natural. I hope you’ve found community in the most surprising places and I hope you’re writing it down. The memories, the silly stories, the moments of massive vulnerability; whatever it…
This morning, I sat down to write with an old song stuck in my head. It was Magic by B.O.B. It used to be one of my favorites in college. As I listen to the song, now on the third replay, I can’t help but take a walk down memory lane. All these sweet memories of college mornings when I was in an ultra-peppy mood, listening to my iPod as I walked to class, and generally feeling good about life that day. It was such a sweet and stressful time; when friends were so close, and it felt like anything was possible. It was just the beginning of adulthood. We’d build forts in shared living spaces and watch teenage dramas as we stared down the reality of choosing a major and career for the rest of our lives. The boys’ dorms were barely more than a bed and a laundry basket, while the girls’ dorms were beautifully decorated and smelled nice. We were all growing up together and playing with some of the boundaries of our bodies. Stay up all night before an exam? Sure. Go out to the bars on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night? Done and done. Walk…
“I really wish you wore pants so you could do more of this stuff.” – My husband, Tyler At 17 weeks pregnant, I no longer wear pants around my home. Only when I go out in public do I pull up those pesky pants with the restrictive waistbands. When I’m at home, attempting to be comfortable as comfort grows more elusive by the day, the first thing to go is the pants. When the doorbell rings, I wait for Tyler to answer, despite the massive window through which I can be seen and the stranger at the door can be seen. When Luna is barking in the backyard, disrupting the semi-quiet afternoons of our neighbors, I wait for Tyler to go and check on her, to quiet her. As he got up to check on Lu yesterday, he walked out of the room and said, “I really wish you wore pants so you could do more of this stuff.” I giggled to myself, happy to remain cozy on the couch under my soft blanket. Later that night I would cough and feel a little pee come out as I did so. I fervently believe he has the better end of…
It was the day you woke up asking God, “What’s wrong with me?” It was the moment the thoughts were overwhelming so you crawled into bed and cried yourself to sleep. It was the morning you spent trying to figure out why the panic was there at the same time you had to calm yourself. It was the day you googled “what is wrong with me?” It was the journal entry that made you realize even talking about the shame would leave you feeling shameful, so you decided to keep it to yourself. It was the thought “someone has it worse than me, I should be grateful” playing on repeat. Maybe it was the day that made you feel like even leaving bed was too much to ask. Those moments, those heavy days, they’re really hard. I know, I’ve been there. It feels like you’re lifting the weight of your entire life, feeling the decades stack upon each other as the future grows darker. You think to yourself, “I can’t keep going like this. If the rest is going to be this hard, I can’t keep going like this. I need help.” I wish I could make you see how…
During this time last year, I was waiting on an acceptance letter to the University of Minnesota for grad school. I had applied for the child welfare program and was banking on going to grad school the next year. As I worked hard on my essay, had great letters of recommendations, and a good Baccalaureate GPA I believed there was no way I wasn’t getting in. My future was set. The funny thing about planning your life out is that it doesn’t always go that way. Just when I thought my future was set I didn’t get into the University of Minnesota. I was at dinner when I got the email, “We regret to inform you….” YES, it hurt like hell. YES, there were tears at dinner, and YES, at that moment I had no clue what was next in my life. It was a whirlwind of emotions but a blessing in disguise. Feeling such uncertainty can be very scary, but when you don’t know, God always knows. So there should never be a reason to be afraid. When one door closes, another door opens. That is exactly what happened to me. TEN MINUTES after I got my denial letter I…
I have a confession to make: I’m a perfectionist. It took me 24 years to realize this, but now that I have I’m seeing the many ways this pressure I put on myself creates more problems than it solves. It’s true, I give the world permission to make mistakes and be less than perfect but I still expect perfection from myself. It’s frustrating and, honestly, suffocating. That being said, this is the advice I’m giving myself (sometimes more than once) daily: You are stronger and more powerful than you realize. You can add brave to that, too. You are far more capable than you can understand at this moment. Just know that you already have everything you need to be exactly who you dream of becoming. There may be pain and frustration (or, in my case, lots of crying and dramatic phone calls) but you will ultimately get through. Keep pushing. Don’t give up. It’s okay to say no! Being your most fearless you means focusing on what you truly want to become, and taking offers that align with that vision. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. Saying “no”, while scary, can be extremely empowering. You do not have…
Celebrate Before the Finish Line
As I’ve been building new habits over the years, I’ve noticed most people, myself included, forget about one important part of the process: celebrating the small wins. It becomes so easy to focus on the goal exclusively that the thousands of small victories required to get there are completely overlooked or pale in comparison to the big successes. That sucks the joy out of life faster than hearing the words, “You’ve been summoned for jury duty.” And those words kill joy pretty quickly. In my opinion, we all need to give ourselves infinitely more credit in the process. These early experiences and lessons come long before the finish line and are typically the most challenging part. Creating new pathways in the brain is difficult, and it takes time. Reaching the finish line feels great, but what about the days you feel proud because you chose to show up when you didn’t want to and maintained that momentum? Those days are the building blocks of the entire goal. That’s where the magic, the learning, and the transformation happen. Credit shouldn’t just be reserved for the sparkle. It’s not all about the medal, the award, the speech, the champagne, or the confetti….
Dear Mama,
Dear future me, I’m so proud of you. You’ve overcome battles I know not of. I can’t imagine all you’ve been through this year. The tears you’ve cried, the tears you’ve calmed, the showers you’ve found a new appreciation for, the quiet moments you celebrate, and the small wins that feel lifesaving. I’m proud of you. I can only dream of her right now, but she picked us to be her Mom for a reason. She’s strong, sweet, silly, and wiggly because of us. She’s probably stubborn because of you, us. She’s growing faster than either of us wants her to. The pregnancy I’m living in today probably seems like another lifetime to you. Still, I’m proud of us. Through all the changes, the physical pains, the personal growth, and the learning curve of becoming parents, I hope you’ve gained a new appreciation for your husband and fallen more in love with him as a Dad. I hope your new title feels a little less foreign and a lot more natural. I hope you’ve found community in the most surprising places and I hope you’re writing it down. The memories, the silly stories, the moments of massive vulnerability; whatever it…
September Musings
This morning, I sat down to write with an old song stuck in my head. It was Magic by B.O.B. It used to be one of my favorites in college. As I listen to the song, now on the third replay, I can’t help but take a walk down memory lane. All these sweet memories of college mornings when I was in an ultra-peppy mood, listening to my iPod as I walked to class, and generally feeling good about life that day. It was such a sweet and stressful time; when friends were so close, and it felt like anything was possible. It was just the beginning of adulthood. We’d build forts in shared living spaces and watch teenage dramas as we stared down the reality of choosing a major and career for the rest of our lives. The boys’ dorms were barely more than a bed and a laundry basket, while the girls’ dorms were beautifully decorated and smelled nice. We were all growing up together and playing with some of the boundaries of our bodies. Stay up all night before an exam? Sure. Go out to the bars on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night? Done and done. Walk…
17 weeks and counting
“I really wish you wore pants so you could do more of this stuff.” – My husband, Tyler At 17 weeks pregnant, I no longer wear pants around my home. Only when I go out in public do I pull up those pesky pants with the restrictive waistbands. When I’m at home, attempting to be comfortable as comfort grows more elusive by the day, the first thing to go is the pants. When the doorbell rings, I wait for Tyler to answer, despite the massive window through which I can be seen and the stranger at the door can be seen. When Luna is barking in the backyard, disrupting the semi-quiet afternoons of our neighbors, I wait for Tyler to go and check on her, to quiet her. As he got up to check on Lu yesterday, he walked out of the room and said, “I really wish you wore pants so you could do more of this stuff.” I giggled to myself, happy to remain cozy on the couch under my soft blanket. Later that night I would cough and feel a little pee come out as I did so. I fervently believe he has the better end of…
For the Hard Days
It was the day you woke up asking God, “What’s wrong with me?” It was the moment the thoughts were overwhelming so you crawled into bed and cried yourself to sleep. It was the morning you spent trying to figure out why the panic was there at the same time you had to calm yourself. It was the day you googled “what is wrong with me?” It was the journal entry that made you realize even talking about the shame would leave you feeling shameful, so you decided to keep it to yourself. It was the thought “someone has it worse than me, I should be grateful” playing on repeat. Maybe it was the day that made you feel like even leaving bed was too much to ask. Those moments, those heavy days, they’re really hard. I know, I’ve been there. It feels like you’re lifting the weight of your entire life, feeling the decades stack upon each other as the future grows darker. You think to yourself, “I can’t keep going like this. If the rest is going to be this hard, I can’t keep going like this. I need help.” I wish I could make you see how…
Submit to Your Calling
During this time last year, I was waiting on an acceptance letter to the University of Minnesota for grad school. I had applied for the child welfare program and was banking on going to grad school the next year. As I worked hard on my essay, had great letters of recommendations, and a good Baccalaureate GPA I believed there was no way I wasn’t getting in. My future was set. The funny thing about planning your life out is that it doesn’t always go that way. Just when I thought my future was set I didn’t get into the University of Minnesota. I was at dinner when I got the email, “We regret to inform you….” YES, it hurt like hell. YES, there were tears at dinner, and YES, at that moment I had no clue what was next in my life. It was a whirlwind of emotions but a blessing in disguise. Feeling such uncertainty can be very scary, but when you don’t know, God always knows. So there should never be a reason to be afraid. When one door closes, another door opens. That is exactly what happened to me. TEN MINUTES after I got my denial letter I…
Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist
I have a confession to make: I’m a perfectionist. It took me 24 years to realize this, but now that I have I’m seeing the many ways this pressure I put on myself creates more problems than it solves. It’s true, I give the world permission to make mistakes and be less than perfect but I still expect perfection from myself. It’s frustrating and, honestly, suffocating. That being said, this is the advice I’m giving myself (sometimes more than once) daily: You are stronger and more powerful than you realize. You can add brave to that, too. You are far more capable than you can understand at this moment. Just know that you already have everything you need to be exactly who you dream of becoming. There may be pain and frustration (or, in my case, lots of crying and dramatic phone calls) but you will ultimately get through. Keep pushing. Don’t give up. It’s okay to say no! Being your most fearless you means focusing on what you truly want to become, and taking offers that align with that vision. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. Saying “no”, while scary, can be extremely empowering. You do not have…