Can you remember the last time you believed in yourself? Can you remember the last time you honestly thought, “I think I could do that. I want to do that. I will do that.” Do you remember it? Can you remember the last time you did something without total confidence? Can you think of it? Do you remember what that felt like? How big did the fear feel? How real did the possibility of vulnerability fear? Did it stop you? I once shared with a friend my desire to write a book. She responded, “You’re a good writer but…a book? You don’t have THAT much value to share.” I once told a friend, “I would like to lose weight. My doctor said it would be a good idea. I’d like to see my body change and see the muscles I can feel growing.” She responded, “You’ve tried to lose weight before but you’re so weak around sweets. What makes you think this time will be any different?” I once shared with a friend, “I need a new job. I can’t do this anymore.” She responded, “I know work has been really hard, but what makes you think you’re qualified for…
The other day, as I was leaving coffee with a friend, I turned to her and reminded her to appreciate the days she is in. She’s about 10 years younger than I am and was planning to attend a Shrek-themed rave that night. It sounded like so much fun! I never went to a rave myself, but a night out with the girls sounded like so much fun. These days, a girl’s night needs to be coordinated months in advance to ensure a babysitter is coming for the night, everyone is in town, and there are no familial obligations already in place. As I started my car, I thought about the sweetness I’m living in now that I might not be noticing. My husband, Tyler, and I have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of our first pregnancy. We’re excited to be parents, but I know we’re in a sweet time right now that we’ll look back and miss one day. With that in mind, I took to social media and asked a question. I asked,“ new Mamas or pregnant Mamas, what do you miss about pre-baby days?”. The answers came flooding in, with the most frequent response being sleep. Others included:…
It was the spring of 2020. Tyler and were living our entire lives in a small condo. I looked at my single bookshelf and thought “I wish I could be someone who finishes books”. It had been years since I’d finished a novel. I decided to give it a try. At that point in time, we were living with the reality of a relentless that would only continue to get worse. Businesses were either essential or closed, and I needed a way to escape the reality we were all trying to cope with. Off to Target we went, and I bought the book that grabbed my interest the most: a psychological thriller. Two years later, I just finished my twenty-fifth book of the year. I decided to start documenting and reviewing my books in the last two years. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll find all the books with very brief ratings in my highlights. As we come to the end of another year, I wanted to offer my favorite reads from the year in no particular order. 1. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid – This novel was everywhere at the beginning of 2022….
Ask any therapist or counselor – it’s normal to be anxious around the holidays! Not only are these days loaded with pressure and preparations, but they’re also fraught with awkward conversations. When are you graduating? What’s your plan with that degree? Are you seeing anyone? When are you getting married? When are you having kids? When are you having another? Are you expecting a promotion this year? Have you thought about going back to school? I remember all those thanksgiving questions when I was in my undergrad and in my master’s. Those invasive questions are… stressful. Not only do I remember the dreaded questions, but I’m still on the receiving end. Tyler and I have been married for two years – can you guess which question I’m preparing for? On top of these deeply personal questions, there are also political ones. In my opinion, the personal and the political are the same, but, for the sake of this blog, I wanted to differentiate between the two. We, in the USA, just wrapped up the mid-term elections. Or, should I say, we’re in the midst of elections as our friends in Georgia are still in the heat of campaigns. The campaign…
I was trying to make a difficult decision the other day. Indecision causes stress, or, should I say, it causes me stress, so the weight of it all was getting to me. Do I commit to one option and sacrifice the other? How do I know which option guarantees success? What if option A leads to exhaustion and disappointment? What if option B could be really fulfilling? These questions kept rolling over and over in my mind like a hamster on a wheel. I felt stuck, stressed, and desperate for clarity. “I wish I could just google it,” I thought. Wouldn’t it be great if Google had all the answers to our most pressing questions? What should I do with my life? Do I even have a calling? Should I take the leap? Do I need to make a change? Should I take the job? Do they actually care? Is it worth the investment? Will I be safe? Will I be loved? Will I be happy? To my own dismay, I knew Google wouldn’t have the answer I was looking for. As much as I love typing a question into the toggle bar and clicking “search”, I knew the map…
I’m not pregnant. My body has been sending mixed signals for days now, but two tests have shown the same result: I’m not pregnant. No period, just nausea and tenderness and overwhelming scents in public spaces. The voice in my head is saying all the things I don’t want to hear: It’s not never, just not now. This is only the beginning. It will happen. Other couples have struggled for years. This could be a long road. You’ll get another chance next month. Just go about life. Be grateful for all you have already. These may all be true, but the one thing these ideas don’t do is provide comfort. Not a single one eases the pain, disappointment, confusion, or frustration. Not one is empathetic or compassionate. So, these are the words I’m speaking to myself instead: It’s disappointing. It’s okay to feel disappointed. We can sit in this space and feel the sorrow. It’s okay to feel confused. It’s okay to be hopeful. It’s okay to imagine what it would be like to share the exciting news. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel the tears welling up. It’s okay to get excited about what could be….
One beautiful morning last week, my husband and I were laying poolside in Mexico as the sun cast itself upon our legs. We were enjoying our morning coffee when a staff member walked across the shallow pool. She made her way into the deeper end as two older women followed. It was time for the morning pool workout. Slowly, the group grew in number. I watched from the side as they began their warm-up. Shortly after they began, I watched as a little girl, no older than 5, walked toward the group. She circled her arms as the group did, inflatable lifesavers around each arm, and joined right in. I kept watching, unable to take my eyes off them, when my husband leaned over and asked, “you want to join them, don’t you? Go do it.”I jumped right in and made my way over to the deep end. They had already shifted into the full workout when I got into the group. At this point, everyone sitting around the poolside was watching. All different ages and ability levels had gathered to get some morning movement in. Soon enough, the little girl was too little to do some of the movements,…
This weekend, while standing in a food truck line waiting to order a cheeseburger, I couldn’t help but stare at a group of women next to me. Fortunately for me, I had sunglasses on so it wasn’t entirely obvious that I was staring at them. They looked the same, for the most part. Tall, blonde, light blue denim shorts, a flowing white button-up over a neutral tank top, gold jewelry, white shoes, and black sunglasses. That’s what they were all wearing. As I looked at them, I noticed a nagging voice in the back of my head growing louder and louder. I call that voice judgment. As I watched them, judgment began criticizing them for looking the same and wearing the same outfit. They were all very “in style”, but they also looked exactly the same. I laughed to myself, thinking “they all look the same and I don’t”. I wanted to feel superior, but I wasn’t proud that I was judging these women. As a woman, knowing exactly how much effort they likely put into their outfits and the amount of money they probably spent to look the way they did, I felt guilty and disappointed. Rather than allowing…
My husband and I attended a vigil for the victims of the Uvalde shooting just two days after it happened. I’d spent the prior 48 hours moving between tears and numbness. Having lived in the United States since birth and dealing with the reality of mass shootings since Columbine, this one shook me more than the others. I truly hate that I just wrote the word “others”. At this point in our lives, my husband and I are hoping to have kids. God willing, I’ll become a Mom soon. It’s terrifying to think about bringing a baby into this world, into this country, knowing they may be murdered at school one day. The day it happened, I called my mom desperately hoping she’d have an answer to the question stuck in my throat. “How are we supposed to bring a baby into the world, Mom? How am I supposed to just let them go to school in America? How are we supposed to protect them in a country more concerned about guns than their life?” She didn’t have that answer. I don’t have that answer. I’m not sure who does. In the days that followed the shooting, I read an…
The Dark Days Are Behind You
Author’s Note: This blog includes implications of self-harm and suicide.
Coffee with the voice of negativity
Can you remember the last time you believed in yourself? Can you remember the last time you honestly thought, “I think I could do that. I want to do that. I will do that.” Do you remember it? Can you remember the last time you did something without total confidence? Can you think of it? Do you remember what that felt like? How big did the fear feel? How real did the possibility of vulnerability fear? Did it stop you? I once shared with a friend my desire to write a book. She responded, “You’re a good writer but…a book? You don’t have THAT much value to share.” I once told a friend, “I would like to lose weight. My doctor said it would be a good idea. I’d like to see my body change and see the muscles I can feel growing.” She responded, “You’ve tried to lose weight before but you’re so weak around sweets. What makes you think this time will be any different?” I once shared with a friend, “I need a new job. I can’t do this anymore.” She responded, “I know work has been really hard, but what makes you think you’re qualified for…
Mama, are you okay?
The other day, as I was leaving coffee with a friend, I turned to her and reminded her to appreciate the days she is in. She’s about 10 years younger than I am and was planning to attend a Shrek-themed rave that night. It sounded like so much fun! I never went to a rave myself, but a night out with the girls sounded like so much fun. These days, a girl’s night needs to be coordinated months in advance to ensure a babysitter is coming for the night, everyone is in town, and there are no familial obligations already in place. As I started my car, I thought about the sweetness I’m living in now that I might not be noticing. My husband, Tyler, and I have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of our first pregnancy. We’re excited to be parents, but I know we’re in a sweet time right now that we’ll look back and miss one day. With that in mind, I took to social media and asked a question. I asked,“ new Mamas or pregnant Mamas, what do you miss about pre-baby days?”. The answers came flooding in, with the most frequent response being sleep. Others included:…
My Favorite Books of 2022
It was the spring of 2020. Tyler and were living our entire lives in a small condo. I looked at my single bookshelf and thought “I wish I could be someone who finishes books”. It had been years since I’d finished a novel. I decided to give it a try. At that point in time, we were living with the reality of a relentless that would only continue to get worse. Businesses were either essential or closed, and I needed a way to escape the reality we were all trying to cope with. Off to Target we went, and I bought the book that grabbed my interest the most: a psychological thriller. Two years later, I just finished my twenty-fifth book of the year. I decided to start documenting and reviewing my books in the last two years. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll find all the books with very brief ratings in my highlights. As we come to the end of another year, I wanted to offer my favorite reads from the year in no particular order. 1. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid – This novel was everywhere at the beginning of 2022….
How to Ease Holiday Anxiety
Ask any therapist or counselor – it’s normal to be anxious around the holidays! Not only are these days loaded with pressure and preparations, but they’re also fraught with awkward conversations. When are you graduating? What’s your plan with that degree? Are you seeing anyone? When are you getting married? When are you having kids? When are you having another? Are you expecting a promotion this year? Have you thought about going back to school? I remember all those thanksgiving questions when I was in my undergrad and in my master’s. Those invasive questions are… stressful. Not only do I remember the dreaded questions, but I’m still on the receiving end. Tyler and I have been married for two years – can you guess which question I’m preparing for? On top of these deeply personal questions, there are also political ones. In my opinion, the personal and the political are the same, but, for the sake of this blog, I wanted to differentiate between the two. We, in the USA, just wrapped up the mid-term elections. Or, should I say, we’re in the midst of elections as our friends in Georgia are still in the heat of campaigns. The campaign…
Hey Google, what should I do with my life?
I was trying to make a difficult decision the other day. Indecision causes stress, or, should I say, it causes me stress, so the weight of it all was getting to me. Do I commit to one option and sacrifice the other? How do I know which option guarantees success? What if option A leads to exhaustion and disappointment? What if option B could be really fulfilling? These questions kept rolling over and over in my mind like a hamster on a wheel. I felt stuck, stressed, and desperate for clarity. “I wish I could just google it,” I thought. Wouldn’t it be great if Google had all the answers to our most pressing questions? What should I do with my life? Do I even have a calling? Should I take the leap? Do I need to make a change? Should I take the job? Do they actually care? Is it worth the investment? Will I be safe? Will I be loved? Will I be happy? To my own dismay, I knew Google wouldn’t have the answer I was looking for. As much as I love typing a question into the toggle bar and clicking “search”, I knew the map…
Negative
I’m not pregnant. My body has been sending mixed signals for days now, but two tests have shown the same result: I’m not pregnant. No period, just nausea and tenderness and overwhelming scents in public spaces. The voice in my head is saying all the things I don’t want to hear: It’s not never, just not now. This is only the beginning. It will happen. Other couples have struggled for years. This could be a long road. You’ll get another chance next month. Just go about life. Be grateful for all you have already. These may all be true, but the one thing these ideas don’t do is provide comfort. Not a single one eases the pain, disappointment, confusion, or frustration. Not one is empathetic or compassionate. So, these are the words I’m speaking to myself instead: It’s disappointing. It’s okay to feel disappointed. We can sit in this space and feel the sorrow. It’s okay to feel confused. It’s okay to be hopeful. It’s okay to imagine what it would be like to share the exciting news. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel the tears welling up. It’s okay to get excited about what could be….
The Courage of Tiny Humans
One beautiful morning last week, my husband and I were laying poolside in Mexico as the sun cast itself upon our legs. We were enjoying our morning coffee when a staff member walked across the shallow pool. She made her way into the deeper end as two older women followed. It was time for the morning pool workout. Slowly, the group grew in number. I watched from the side as they began their warm-up. Shortly after they began, I watched as a little girl, no older than 5, walked toward the group. She circled her arms as the group did, inflatable lifesavers around each arm, and joined right in. I kept watching, unable to take my eyes off them, when my husband leaned over and asked, “you want to join them, don’t you? Go do it.”I jumped right in and made my way over to the deep end. They had already shifted into the full workout when I got into the group. At this point, everyone sitting around the poolside was watching. All different ages and ability levels had gathered to get some morning movement in. Soon enough, the little girl was too little to do some of the movements,…
Food Truck Faux Pas
This weekend, while standing in a food truck line waiting to order a cheeseburger, I couldn’t help but stare at a group of women next to me. Fortunately for me, I had sunglasses on so it wasn’t entirely obvious that I was staring at them. They looked the same, for the most part. Tall, blonde, light blue denim shorts, a flowing white button-up over a neutral tank top, gold jewelry, white shoes, and black sunglasses. That’s what they were all wearing. As I looked at them, I noticed a nagging voice in the back of my head growing louder and louder. I call that voice judgment. As I watched them, judgment began criticizing them for looking the same and wearing the same outfit. They were all very “in style”, but they also looked exactly the same. I laughed to myself, thinking “they all look the same and I don’t”. I wanted to feel superior, but I wasn’t proud that I was judging these women. As a woman, knowing exactly how much effort they likely put into their outfits and the amount of money they probably spent to look the way they did, I felt guilty and disappointed. Rather than allowing…
Light for a Life
My husband and I attended a vigil for the victims of the Uvalde shooting just two days after it happened. I’d spent the prior 48 hours moving between tears and numbness. Having lived in the United States since birth and dealing with the reality of mass shootings since Columbine, this one shook me more than the others. I truly hate that I just wrote the word “others”. At this point in our lives, my husband and I are hoping to have kids. God willing, I’ll become a Mom soon. It’s terrifying to think about bringing a baby into this world, into this country, knowing they may be murdered at school one day. The day it happened, I called my mom desperately hoping she’d have an answer to the question stuck in my throat. “How are we supposed to bring a baby into the world, Mom? How am I supposed to just let them go to school in America? How are we supposed to protect them in a country more concerned about guns than their life?” She didn’t have that answer. I don’t have that answer. I’m not sure who does. In the days that followed the shooting, I read an…