Shutting Down Assumptions

October 18, 2017

That feeling you get, when you cannot seem to open your eyes from your slumber. That feeling like you haven’t slept in years even though you have been sleeping for over ten hours. When your body is so over rested, it is making you more tired. The sun is shining through my window and burning my eyes. I cover my head with my blanket, hiding from not only the sun, but life. Today I slept through my morning workout class and snoozed my alarm probably 23 times. Today I am annoyed with everything and everyone. Even the touch of a thread of my own hair, resting on my face pisses me off.  Today is one of those days. One of those days where I just can’t do it. There is a huge “to-do” list floating around in my mind like a pile of 100 necklaces tangles together. I stare effortlessly at the pile and I don’t have the energy to do it. I don’t have the energy to fix it.

My room hasn’t been clean in weeks. I don’t have the time or energy to do it. I grab my phone and see too many notifications. They swarm my mind like pests. Over the past couple years, I have had comments on my social media posts, or comments made to me in person like “You’re so perfect”, “You’re always happy” and “You have it all figured out”.  Those three statements couldn’t be farther from the truth. I have always thanked people for saying these things to me, but I now realize that I need to respond differently. The last thing I want is for other people, especially other girls, is to compare their real life to my fake life. Now, “fake life” can sound intense. What I mean by this is the life that I post on social media. The life where I am always happy and smiling and where I post only the best pictures I take. By being BRAVE I want to make it a goal of mine to empower other girls by showing them that you don’t have to be happy all the time, you don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to have it all figured out.

I stand up from my bed. My hair is a mess with three huge knots in the back lower part of my head. I have morning breath that could kill a small animal. My eye brow hairs are in every direction. I think there is drool on my cheek. I look in the mirror that is hanging on my wall, sitting 3 feet away from me. The words “You’re perfect” taunt me. Perfect? Why do people think I am perfect? Not only have I gotten this comment multiple times, I see it all the time on other girl’s social media posts and I wonder if they feel the same way about it as I do. I am not perfect. I make mistakes, I am forgetful, learning in school is hard for me, I sometimes miscommunicate, I can be passive aggressive, I have days like today where for some reason I cannot seem to do anything but constantly think about all of the things I need to do. I look in the mirror and I don’t see perfect, I see real. I see the real me, the real me who needs to start being BRAVE and putting her real self out there to the world. Don’t worry, I will brush my teeth and comb my hair first.

I walk upstairs and finish getting ready. All I can think about is all of the things I need to get done, but I can’t do any of them. This negative energy is consuming my mind and it is paralyzing me. I sit on my phone and mope around. Procrastinating, which is only making me feel worse. I think to myself “You’re always happy”. Social media has a huge impact on people thinking this because most people only post the good things happening in their lives. No one wants to post a selfie with their red, puffy eyes from crying all morning. The truth is sometimes scary and can be hard to share with people you aren’t comfortable with. By being BRAVE I need to be more real with others because I don’t believe I am helping anyone by posting a cute selfie, with a meaningless caption. I believe I can help people by posting about my bad days, but then explaining what I am doing to make it better. I can help people by posting about my struggles because that makes me relatable. I finally sit up and force myself to do one small thing productive. Posting these things will be hard, but will make me into the BRAVE girl I need to be.

“You have it all figured out” they say. Maybe this comes from the confidence I carry in myself, or the goals that I am always outwardly speaking. It would be nice to actually have it all figured out, but in reality I am not even close. This statement used to freak me out a lot when I would hear it, but now I have a different outlook. I now have it figured day by day. What am I going to do today, and each hour, that is going to get me to my goals? What is going to help me move forward? I have realized that by looking at my goals on a larger scale, they all of a sudden seem out of reach. They seem out of proportional to my life. I love the saying, “Don’t set goals, change your everyday habits” This mindset allows me to hold confidence which is what portrays to people that I have it “all figured out” when in reality I am taking it day by day, hour by hour.

I am so thrilled to be a BRAVE ambassador because I can use this platform to share my thoughts to others. Being BRAVE to me means being REAL with others and sharing my struggles., I want young girls to know that they will never be perfect and the girls who they see on social media and think are perfect… aren’t. I want girls to know that you don’t always have to be happy and it is ok not to be ok. Every single person has days where they just can’t do it. I want girls to know that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT, especially my loves in high school. Do not panic, life will happen the way it is supposed to. Trust its path.