Confidence is… wait, what?

There’s a meme I’ve seen floating across Pinterest, Instragram, and Facebook the last few days.

“Confidence is not ‘they will like me’; it’s ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.’”

The first time I read this particular meme there was definitely a smile on my face, but there was something about it that didn’t quite fit. I read the statement a few more times, reflected on what confidence means to me, and realized why it didn’t feel right: true confidence isn’t about other people.

I understand that the intentions behind the image are good, but confidence is all about you. It’s the way you carry yourself and the way you choose to treat yourself. It’s the words you use to describe your passions, your body language, and the pride with which you describe the most important pieces of your life. The trickiest part about confidence is that it can’t be defined strictly one way. There are too many layers for that. We might not be able to explain it easily, but we absolutely know it when we feel it and we recognize authentic confidence when we see it.

Confidence is not about what other people think of you. And, really, it’s not about giving consideration to how you’ll survive, react, or respond when you think people don’t like you. Confidence is the ability to love yourself through the good, the great, the not-so-good, and the painful. It’s extending a kindness to your insecurities and finding strength in the moments when you feel like a complete mess. We’ve all been there. Confidence comes from believing in whom you are and seeing the beauty in your complexity.

Confidence, in my opinion, is the most beautiful feature any woman can have for two reasons: 1. She gets to live and enjoy her life. A confident woman doesn’t spend all of her time second-guessing every move she makes. She knows she’s going to make a mistake and she understand that, in the end, it’s going to be ok. One way or another, it’s going to be fine. Because of that, she treats herself with kindness and laughs at the bumps (or mountains) in the road. 2. She treats other people with the same respect. She’s not one to judge or compete with other girls and women. What’s the point? It’s not a competition, so why make it one?

Confidence is something you create. It’s in the choices you make on daily basis to be your best self. It’s not about other people. Love yourself first and forget the rest.