5 Tips for Thriving Through a Break-up
As a little girl, I once asked my mom why there were so many songs about love. It seemed like every song on the radio was about some relationship gone wrong or some guy singing about some girl. As a child, I was less than amused.
Now, as an adult, I get it. That “love” stuff is, well, life-altering. Attempting to find love, falling in love, falling out of love, or watching your love walk away changes everything. I can confidently say I’ve been in every one of those positions. It’s an emotional rollercoaster from the beginning. The worst being the feeling of heartbreak. When my long-term relationship ended and I watched my former significant other walk away, I felt absolutely powerless, hurt, angry, confused, and desperate to get him back. 4 years later, I thank God the relationship ended. It was the best thing that could have happened to my 20-something self. I grew into a stronger, better, more confident version of myself in the days that followed (see my last blog for more on this).
Unfortunately, the initial days of that break-up looked like something akin to Elle Woods laying in her bed watching horrible soaps while stuffing her face with a large box of chocolates and losing her will to live. Legally Blonde really is good for more than the “Bend-and-Snap”. If you’re feeling yourself walking through the first few days or weeks after a break-up, I have a few pieces of advice to help you through.
1. Let it all out. This is the most important. Allow yourself to feel ll of it. Feel all the feelings, cry all the tears, be sad, hurt, angry, disappointed. The worst thing you can do is pretend like everything is okay when your heart is hurting and the tears are lingering just below the surface. Ride the wave, sweet girl. Your heart is stronger than you give it credit for. Allow yourself to heal by moving through the stages of heartbreak. You WILL make it to the other side.
2. Surround yourself with your support system. You need your girls right now. I know you don’t want to answer the thousand questions right now, but text them and let them know what’s up.
- “Hey, Alex and I broke up last night. I don’t really want to talk about it right now, but I needed to let you know.”
- “I just broke up with Sam. I’m hurting right now. Can you come over later?”
- “Taylor and I ended things yesterday. I’m heartbroken and I already miss them. Can we plan something this weekend so I can get my mind off of it?”
Feel free to copy and paste or make it your own. Ask for help when you need it! That’s a very brave thing to do.
3. Drink lots of water. Girl, you crying. Stay hydrated while letting it all out (and possibly drinking some adult beverages). Your body needs water to perform the most basic functions. It’s so easy to lie around for hours without drinking any water. Give yourself time, but take care of yourself in the process. This is important regardless of relationship status, but you’re likely more dehydrated than usual. Drink up, buttercup!
4. Stay busy. Your life is more than one relationship. Get back out there and try new things! Not so you meet new people, but so you can get to know yourself again. Schedule coffee dates with friends, go for a walk, pick-up new habits to take care of yourself in a way you never have before. Get yourself out of the house and away from the moping thoughts. Start pursuing those goals you let slide while making time for the relationship. Discover the beauty of being single! As much as it sucks to say that word right now, being single really is a beautiful thing. As women, society has taught us to believe that our value is determined by our relationship status. That’s crap. You are your own person and you get to live life on your own terms. The fact of the matter is, another relationship will come along and you’ll be investing in a new person. I promise. Right now, you need to be investing in yourself. These days are a release from something wrong so you can find your way to what’s right. Allow the fog to life and cultivate joy in doing the things you like while falling in love with the woman you’re becoming.
5. Know that, with time, it’s going to get easier. It really will. Right now it feels like the end of the world and you’ll be single forever and you’ll never find love and that relationship was the only hope you had and you don’t know what’s wrong with you. First and foremost, nothing is wrong with you. We all have to go through some painful conversations and sorrow-filled days to see what we really deserve. Time will pass and you’ll begin to see the reasons it didn’t work. You’ll start to take that person off the pedestal and realize that you may have been doing all the work. Go to therapy and talk it out if you can. Grow through these days because you CAN. Take some time to recover and reflect, then move forward with a clearer perspective of what you need in a relationship. You’re getting stronger each day.
It’s going to take time but the only way through is through. If you’re walking through some painful days of heartbreak right now, reach out. I’m only a message away and I’m happy to be an addition to your support system. Your heart will get bigger and stronger because of this experience. Your ability to empathize will include a larger group of people and you’ll learn to be kind in an even more beautiful way. Break-ups suck – you don’t. Keep your head up, be brave, and remember that you’re not alone. You are so loved!